Losing Sleep

Losing Sleep

Thought I found my goal, now I’m confused again

Feels like I’m trying to lose, I don’t feel I can win

I’m not down in the dumps, I’m not even feeling low

I think all the alcohol got to me, and these drugs made me slow

I thought I was going crazy, turns out I was just getting fried

Feels like I have destroyed myself, and my soul has died

I don’t know what to believe, I’m confused on why to try

I feel like m mom is the only one who would care if I were to die

I get no love from these people I’ve met in my time

I’ve got no one to confide in, I only have my rhyme

See I love my mom, I’m sure she loves me too

But who else gives a damn, some one tell me who

Yeah I got real friends, and they are down for whatever

But you have to remember that my friends change like the weather

There is the inner circle, we will call them the chosen few

But it feels like there different, they don’t know what I’m going through

I’m trying to start my life, while they keep living my past

Feels like my life is a movie, and I need to fire the entire cast

I’ve placed myself in every position I’ve been in so far

From selling dope, one night stands, and getting drunk in my car

I feel my emotions going down as I write these lines

I see myself being broke trying to pay these fines

All my rights stripped away for drinking and driving

I’ve got a few guns around me, thinking about not surviving

How did my brother turn out so good, and I turn out so bad

Why didn’t I take advantage of all the options I’ve had

Instead I piddled and played, and smoked weed all day

I let my life just crumble, and let all my dreams stray

Yes this is all my fault, I can’t spread the blame

I’m tired of blaming other people, I’ve chose to quit that game

Well don’t beat yourself up is what people like to say

Wish they could get in my mind, they would be dead in a day

Sure other people have their problems, some so much worse

But my mind is so intelligent, I’ve hit myself with a curse

I look back and I can see what I’ve done to myself

I can even feel myself putting God on the shelf