Confusion

Confusion

Loosing you forever

is now taking its toll.

I feel somewhat bitter;

my insides are black as coal.

Smoking too many cigarettes

and thinking too hard

I’m drinking too much

and crying in my front yard

My mind is twisted

and I’m going through loops.

Can’t be discussed with anyone,

especially the troops.

Waking up scared and confused

with a gun in my hand.

With too many emotions to define

exactly where you stand.

Scared about loosing,

but knowing you can’t win.

Thinking about these past few years

wondering where you’ve been.

Destroying all the love

and only expressing the hate

And living by choice because

you are scared of your fate

Continually messing up because

you can’t handle the pressure

Maybe it is the voices

that are taking away my pleasure

Too scared to be happy

because I’m scared of the fall

Because every time I get it,

I seem to destroy it all

Can’t trust myself

so I can’t trust anyone around

Been falling so long

I just want to hit the fucking ground

Hate the idea of living

but can’t imagine death as well

But it seems that lately living

is becoming my eternal hell

Destroying all my bridges,

Until no more can be done

No reason in my mind

other than destruction can be quite fun

I’m just wishing for trouble

so I’m carrying guns

While toting around this heart

that weighs three metric tons