It's a fucking battle

Sometimes my brain makes it so fucking hard, I'm to blame though since I wired it...  It's a fucking cage that I keep myself in, I know better than to break out because I know the people I know will ask me things I don't want to answer.  How long have you felt like this?  Why do you feel that way about me?  Why would you think I see things that way?  These questions, these responses to what I see, are why I don't talk much.  I'm just thinking too hard, my mind is just going too fast.  I wish I could talk to people about how I feel, I wish they could understand that it's just who I am, scared.  I'm willing to go the distance for anything worthwhile, but I'm not good at giving myself to individuals.  I'm always picking at things, not the normal things like, "these dishes are still dirty," or "you really need to wash your car."  I'm more wrapped up in this insanity that has become us...  I'm so afraid that the people around me can't see it.  So yes, I'm scared.  I'm scared that there is no hope left for me, people like me, the ones that look for something real.  I'm honestly starting to worry if I missed something along the way.  I'm not going to say I want to be happy, all I'm going to say is that life shouldn't be this much of a battle to be able to appreciate life.